If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
