who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
