he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
