My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
