Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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