well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
handjob tips. give me some.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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