best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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