But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
