also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
