We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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