Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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