sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
