this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
