Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
