WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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