I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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