i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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