shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
