So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
