omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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