you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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