she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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