Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
