yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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