The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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