I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
