did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
