Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
