I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
