I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
