If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
