There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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