I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
