The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
