Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
