shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
