the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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