I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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