this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
