I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i out mim tonsoeep
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