I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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