my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i think i have two assholes
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
