You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
