i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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