I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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