wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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