If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Found the puke drawer
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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