Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
