I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
