We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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