its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
