His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
