theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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