I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
