Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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