I murdered the dance floor call the cops
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
