Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
