when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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