he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
