woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We talked him into tasing himself.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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