so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
